I have been thinking of how much shame affects us. It is at the core of our being like a director orchestrating everything. In my opinion, shame is the major source and foundation for all our thoughts and behavior. It seems like we organize everything around our shame stage and play out the drama of our life on it. Soon, it feels like we are not just an actor in the shame, but the shame IS us masking our real self. Who are we without our shame?
Have you been hiding under a mask that is called Shame? If so, you may feel you can never remove your mask and defenses for fear others will see your shame. Just like the Phantom of the Opera, you are disfigured under that mask and dare not show your real “face.” You may be hiding in fear that no one will love you if they know the truth about you. The truth is that the real you under that mask is the beautiful person waiting to be seen without the mask of shame.
Shame is the worst mask of all because it forces us into hiding of ourselves. As the years roll by, we live undercover and reject our own self. The shame keeps us locked in our own prison of rejection. Inside this place of confinement, we crave an intimate relationship, but we sabotage true intimacy through our own rejection. We cannot give and receive love because our real identity is hiding secretly behind the scenes.
Your stage of shame is set with unhealthy relationships and a costume that doesn’t fit you anymore. Shed your shame. It was a costume you were never meant to wear and doesn’t fit the real you.
What can you do to unmask that shame and reveal your true identity?
Blessings,
Susan
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Monday, February 2, 2009
Out from Under the Influence or Doing the U
I have posed the question about what you may be under the influence of in your life. It is my hope that all can see that we are all under the influence of something or someone. You were born into a family and that was the first influential system you were under. The only reason to investigate deeper into that system is so you can detect the patterns and behaviors that influenced you to see if they fit with your inner self. You will always have influences from all your past and present because to do otherwise would force you into becoming a hermit. Assuming you do not want to be any kind of a hermit, especially, an emotional hermit, I will revisit the idea of loving yourself first which I mentioned in an earlier blog.
Loving yourself well requires that you really know how to esteem you and self care you in all areas without thinking of these acts as selfish. This is the DANCE of the U. You get to decide within balance where you end and others begin. You also get to decide that your worth and value is based solely on that inherent value that is God given and not about anything you “do.” You also get to have needs and wants and get them met in healthy ways. You get to have physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. You get to decide how to meet them in ways that involve others, but you do not have a right to demand anyone else meet those needs. You are responsible for finding the healthy ways and places to get those needs met. You get to make your own decisions and plans in moderation. Loving yourself well means that you can do it for yourself forever whether someone else thinks its okay or not.
Once you have learned to do the Dance of the U, you are out from under the tyranny of the “shoulds” and “oughts” or “musts.” You listen to your inner self and God and see if you want or need to do whatever you do. There will still be things you do out of duty or job responsibility, but relationships mostly revolve around living in truth. Recovery is about living more in truth than lies and illusions. This means being true to your identity and your purpose, not under the influence of what other people think you “should” be doing. If you are living in moderation under the influence of your identity in sync with God or your Higher Power, you will be doing the “right” thing because it is what you are supposed to be doing. It is done from love which you can do forever because it is done out of genuine caring and isn’t burdensome.
This is freedom... coming out from under lies and distorted thinking so you are free to be you. The old influences will still try to trap and trigger you, but you are living more days in freedom than in slavery or wilderness living. Ask yourself what it will take for you to take the steps of the Dance of U and begin to move out from under the influence. Then, begin with some baby steps to do that. I would suggest some really good self care to start.
Blessings,
Susan
Loving yourself well requires that you really know how to esteem you and self care you in all areas without thinking of these acts as selfish. This is the DANCE of the U. You get to decide within balance where you end and others begin. You also get to decide that your worth and value is based solely on that inherent value that is God given and not about anything you “do.” You also get to have needs and wants and get them met in healthy ways. You get to have physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. You get to decide how to meet them in ways that involve others, but you do not have a right to demand anyone else meet those needs. You are responsible for finding the healthy ways and places to get those needs met. You get to make your own decisions and plans in moderation. Loving yourself well means that you can do it for yourself forever whether someone else thinks its okay or not.
Once you have learned to do the Dance of the U, you are out from under the tyranny of the “shoulds” and “oughts” or “musts.” You listen to your inner self and God and see if you want or need to do whatever you do. There will still be things you do out of duty or job responsibility, but relationships mostly revolve around living in truth. Recovery is about living more in truth than lies and illusions. This means being true to your identity and your purpose, not under the influence of what other people think you “should” be doing. If you are living in moderation under the influence of your identity in sync with God or your Higher Power, you will be doing the “right” thing because it is what you are supposed to be doing. It is done from love which you can do forever because it is done out of genuine caring and isn’t burdensome.
This is freedom... coming out from under lies and distorted thinking so you are free to be you. The old influences will still try to trap and trigger you, but you are living more days in freedom than in slavery or wilderness living. Ask yourself what it will take for you to take the steps of the Dance of U and begin to move out from under the influence. Then, begin with some baby steps to do that. I would suggest some really good self care to start.
Blessings,
Susan
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