Living Life Without Resentments and Negativity

I have been thinking a lot about some of the major feelings that “hang us up” and those that “set us free.” The dark thoughts that we call negative typically come from a few places. Do the words anger, fear, blame, resentment and worry make you feel a sense of light and joy or do they bring on destructive and damaging feelings that are heavy and depressing? I am sure you answered that they seem heavy and depressing. These are places of defeat and discouragement.

The other side to dark is light with words like joy, accountability, love, forgiveness, grace and mercy. These words typically allow us to feel free and uplifted to the positive side of things. If the positive feelings are more pleasant and helpful in improving our moods and relationships, why do we so often hang onto the negative feelings and blame others for our feelings?

I believe that anger, fear, and blame often get tangled up around resentments from the past. I think that they are centered around a memory of an earlier time or an event where we felt invalidated or unheard and could not get that feeling of value from an important person in our life. Most often, the need to feel valued was also connected to the need to feel loved and cared for and we held an expectation for those feelings.

Over time, many accumulations of these times of not being able to obtain worth and value built up into a deep inner pile of unmet needs. In the present, when the same “feeling of not being valued or loved” is triggered by another, it immediately can put us into that same time and place as if it were happening in the present all over again. Since the human brain is not designed to forget, these resentments cluster together and need to be worked through to resolution in order to stop the blaming and resentment cycle that takes a huge toll on relationships.

You can begin by choosing to list people from your past that you think did you wrong. It could be parents, caretakers, siblings, lovers, and any others. Make two columns on a sheet of paper and list each person and why you blame them. Only do one person at a time listing all the things you can think of that could be old resentments. Take plenty of time to do this as you would an inventory. Take as much time as you need to work through them using prayer and meditation or talking to your counselor about them or any other person you feel would be willing to listen and hear your story. As you work through each one, you can begin to admit that you do not need to carry these with you anymore. You will eventually want to let go of each incident and let the event be released back to that person as you forgive them.

Things to meditate on currently to help the process that are positive and enlightening are:

1. Whatever happens in your life, you are responsible for the response and the thinking around everything that may control your life. If you keep fears and negativities, your life will be lived that same way. If you maintain thoughts and heart feelings of joy and positive ways, your life will manifest the same.

2. Blame and resentment stop you from becoming all that God intended you to be. Your mind and thoughts are the key to unlocking the treasures found in the rooms of your heart. You can build a new life by getting rid of those old memories that are driving the current behaviors and reactions of your life. Pouring a new foundation based on love of self and God will chip away the hardened places of fear, blame, anger and resentment.

3. Letting go is only the first step as you inventory the past hurts. Keeping the area clear and clean is continued each day as you do not allow any more resentments to take hold in those old places. Instead, choose to bless others and remind yourself that they are not responsible for your life. You and God choose your path daily. Follow that Higher Power one step at a time and the journey will be lighter, more upbeat, and optimistic even in the midst of unpleasant circumstances.

Blessings,
Susan