Reactive Anger

Getting angry in reaction to what someone else does or says usually brings on a pattern of angry responses that never end well. It especially harms relationships. When people use reactive anger as their response to situations or people, it is most often a coping or defense mechanism that was learned very early in childhood. By adolescence, it became a reaction to all conflicts.


In general, it is used as an automatic survival response when a person is triggered.


Triggering is an instinctive response that is set off inside of a person and is usually reflective of another situation from the past that felt very threatening. It is a familiar feeling, but not necessarily what is going on in the present. This can send the person into fight, flight or freeze mode. When it goes into flight mode, anger is the reaction. Therefore, the person reacting (or overreacting) is not actually responding to the present situation.



Certain feelings arise from deep within the person that they are unconscious of and just take over. Anger then often gets out of control and things are said and done that were never intended had the person been present with self.


Using reactive anger as a way of coping in conflicts is immature, damaging to all relationships, and very self rejecting to the person using it. It is usually followed by feelings of guilt and shame over the behavior used in that circumstance.


Anger Messages


Sending an anger message to another person can be done in a few different ways. Saying something in a hostile, bullying, or intimidating way sends your message by aggressive means.

You can also ignore or shut others out by not speaking to them and avoiding them altogether.



Another way is to use a combination of passive and aggressive behaviors.

Some people also pretend nothing has happened and bury the anger inside.


In Other Words…


Anger has a lot of other words that are all just degrees or synonyms for anger. It is important to note them in order to do your own personal anger checks to see if you are using anger unknowingly in a different form. Most people envision anger as overt, obvious aggressive behavior, but that is not always the case. Anger has subtle forms that seem minor, but still need attending to.

Other words include:


Annoyance, irritation, furious, rage, enrage, outrage, resentment, antagonism, infuriate, exasperate, incensed, sarcasm, crazed, seething, boiling over, frenzied, bothered, frustrated, hassled, disturbed, cross, mad, livid, irate, fuming, nuts, over the top, round the bend, beside yourself, displeased, aggravated, and the list goes on……..


Blessings,
Susan