Tips on ANGER that really help

Use It or Lose It

Using your anger in a healthy way means that you do not “lose it” by dumping it on others. When you give it away in an unhealthy or reactive way, or if you over defend or go off on others, you miss the opportunity to use your anger for your own direction. The path to find the best way for anger is to use it yourself.

Steps to do this are:

1. Notice the anger
2. Feel it if the situation allows you a time out and quiet place to do that. If not, contain it until later when you can do this, exercising self control.
3. Ask yourself what this is about and how you are really feeling.
4. Process it with yourself in writing.

Highlights

Keeping your anger for yourself will give you two opportunities. You will get to find a connection to your inner self thus gaining self awareness about what bothers you and why. Gaining self awareness will allow you the high road in all relationships. You get to bypass engaging in power struggles or childish behavior. Better yet, you get to assert yourself and find ways to address the conflicts that you were never able to previously resolve. All relationships will improve with this method of using assertive behaviors instead of aggressive ones to stay present with your own self.

Assertion

Being able to assert yourself when there is a conflict takes practice.

Behaving assertively means that you are exercising your power, influence, and other ways of acting to be more effective in expression. It is not aggressive in any way.

It is a manner of acting confidently in stating a position or a claim. It is about you and comes from being sure of how you are feeling in a situation or about a circumstance. You are self assured because it is about you sharing to be known. It is delivered in a calm, firm and very straight-forward style. Assertion describes to another how you are feeling about the issue or circumstance you are discussing.

If the other person tries to talk you down through aggressive means, you can redirect them to listen to what you are saying and REPHRASE your message.

It is important to listen to the other party involved and validate your position, but you continue to share your statements in a rational and calm manner. Communicating in this style will give you a better chance of resolving the issue that is upsetting you.