What comes to mind when you hear those words?
There are many images and thoughts that come up for me when I hear those words, but I am using them in the context of personal relationships, unresolved issues from the past, thinking, unhealthy behaviors, or things and situations that are keeping you from living free to be yourself. This connects back to the previously posted blog on identity and authenticity.
Living under the influence of other people can be anything from you living outside yourself trying to figure out how you need to act for other people to living in denial and as a false self. It is a painful way to live and has elements of old ways that you used to live in order to survive or get along in life during some “tough times”. Typically, people continue using these outmoded ways long after they need them.
For example, if you are hiding a secret from your past that you would be shamed of anyone finding out, this may be keeping you in fear. You are under the influence of that fear and so you pretend. Pretending doesn’t just stop with that one secret. You begin to pretend about other things or pretend it wasn’t as bad as it was or that it was worse than it was…all kinds of crazy thoughts start spinning around inside your head.
Another example might be that you have an angry reaction to someone over something little. What is that about? What influence are you under? Is it feelings of rejection? Is it some other feeling from something unresolved in the past?
Being under the influence of a person means that you are trying to act in the way you think they need you to act. Being under the influence of other people means that you are always trying to figure out what they need and you try to get that for them or solve their problem for them. Being under the influence of any substance (including food) means that you have to have that substance (in an unhealthy way) in order to feel good. Being under the influence of things means that you cannot live without your possessions or that you obsess about them. Being under the influence of religion means you turn everything into the spiritual realm. Being under the influence of exercise or work or anything else that is immoderate in your life is problematic.
In order to live in moderation and spontaneity, it is wise to check to see if you are out of balance and under anything that is influencing you too much. We all go through seasons where we might have to be out of balance (for example, studying during exam times or new parents meeting needs of little ones), but if it is a lifetime pattern of behavior, it will be impossible to be free to be you. Ask yourself if you are prone to be under the influence of anything in an unhealthy way.
Blessings,
Susan
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This is very true in my life. I have been under the influence of first, my mother. Always behaving like she said and making sure she is happy because if she wasn't then home life was miserable. Then I went straight to being under the influence of my husband. Doing the same thing. I have learned this thru counseling but I still struggle with my husband's "silent treatment". Just last night, I am not sure what triggered it, but all of a sudden he shuts down and is real "cool" to just me. I find myself trying to be funny to "lift his spirits", asking him what is wrong.....I am better with the situations at home but it is a continuious thing I have to work at. This is the perfect subject for me this morning. Thanks
ReplyDeletewhen r...said in previous post that your husband gave you the 'silent treatment' and you worked hard to life his spirits...I actually had to chuckle because I just saw a flash of myself.
ReplyDeleteI live with a very angry man and when I think of all those years I tried to make everything just the way he wanted to keep him from being angry. So many years running in a rats maze.
I realized the true craziness of it all when recently he told me that I had never done anything to try to please him.
All that time, energy, worry, jumping through hoops and he never even saw it. Amazing.
His anger doesn't affect me like it use to...but I also have to keep myself aware of 'his influence'
I really appreciate your comments, Jo. It really shows how living under the influence of someone else and trying to figure out how to please them cannot work. It is never ending because the problem is within the other person, not you. Once you see what they are doing is not relational behavior and come out from under that, you are free to set boundaries and esteem yourself. Do the good self care you know you need to do. Never forget that you have tremendous worth and value even when the "infuential" people in your life don't think so!
ReplyDeleteSusan said: "Being under the influence of religion means you turn everything into the spiritual realm."
ReplyDeleteWow. I have come to realize in recent months that I lived in a background where if everything wasn't turned into something spiritual or recognized as something spiritual, you were considered "less" of a Christian and not being attentive to God. You were "out" of God's will and favor.
I'm not saying that we shouldn't recognize, honor, and look for God everyday. No way. I am, however, saying that I have seen a lot of people in my life who use "spirituality" as a means of validated ("their" validation) condescension, arrogance, and putting down of others.
It's funny how well-meaning people can use their spirituality and/or spiritual gifts as a means of validated pride over others, and they don't even realize it. (Or maybe they do in some cases.)
If you believe that God is "on your side" if you turn everything into something spiritual, then you "technically" (in your own mind) don't really have to answer for how you treat others, because you believe you are doing God's will/work.
It's an interesting view.