Many people spend time “working” out their problems with the help of a professional for a season. This season of time is often referred to as the “processing issues time”. The manner in which people process their issues can vary through the use of psychotherapy or counseling with someone on a specific issue such as depression. Most people can benefit from a period of actively processing their issues. It helps to have someone trained to listen and give feedback as difficult or traumatic circumstances are dealt with in this manner.
The interesting thing I find as a therapist is that most people find it would benefit them to have someone in their life they could depend on to be there to bounce things off of throughout their lives. This doesn’t mean they want to go into “deep” process about everything because that is usually for issues of a more serious nature.
However, the process of living does require process. By that I mean, if a person just moves through life randomly without experiencing it or taking it in to their inner being, they are missing out on so much. Living completely, fully, wholly, joyfully, serenely and with interaction with all dimensions of self and others makes the journey of life richer. In order to live in the dimensions of emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and physical, you will have to begin to live in process.
Reconnecting with what has been forgotten or moved away from requires intention to do so. The desire to live fully alive has to be conceived first as a need. Many people reach the ages of 35-50 and start to ask if they are missing out on something. If they ask that question, they are searching for more. More is not going to be found outside your self. More is found from working inside out. Getting in touch with your inner being is the beginning of living in process.
Connecting with life through the scientific or through facts and information is not being fully alive. Living in that manner is moving through life with an exterior connection to things and people at a surface level. The experience of relationships alone must be lived in process with them in the physical, emotional and spiritual realms. The deeper experiences of life and things that grow and mature us need time and process. Living in the wholeness of ourselves is about taking responsibility and ownership for our lives.
It is possible to begin to take an accounting of your life right now and ask if you feel you are living in process. For example, ask:
Do you feel you have grown and matured since you left your family of origin? Have you become your own person?
Have you experienced life differently from the way in which your parents did?
Are you living in the present connected to those important people in your life with healthy relationships?
Do you feel alive and excited about what is happening in your life or are you focused on the past or looking for a better future?
Do you see life as a journey that is giving you more maturity, wisdom and a deeper sense of the spiritual?
Take time to ask yourself other questions that are about living from the inside out and taking time to reflect and process on your reality. Write about your growth stages.
Blessings,
Susan
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis is totally where I am in my life! It is nice to know that going through these processes in my 30's is normal. I feel so blessed to be working with you, Susan as I discover and reconnect with myself and all that I am. It has taken me a few years to begin to live in process. But I am beginning to feel truly alive. I am becoming more aware of my emotional side as well as my physical and spiritual sides.
ReplyDeleteThis process is a slow one and has come with opposition from some of those close to me. My sweet husband is now on board with the"new" me, though we went through a couple years of conflict as I changed and he said he didn't know who I was anymore. But I didn't know who I was! I am still discovering ME and am having a ball doing so! Not that it isn't painful at times but I realize the more I am my authentic self the more free I feel and it radiates to all areas of my life, hopefully touching others positively.
For me being myself today has left me imprisoned, and it's been that way all my life. I lived my life to the fullest when I had my children, stayed home and raised them. It was hard work, physically taking care of everything around the home, plus all the womanly chores, homework, etc. I did it all and it kept me sane, strong, and feeling good about what I was doing. But since I've come to understand I am not crazy, I am right back to being alone all by myself. I've lost all the people I really never had, just didn't understand that.
ReplyDeleteToday I live in a prison still connected to a man who never cared about me, and I can't escape. I've lived the extension of my childhood, and really did make the best of it until now. Now I will have to come to grips with being surrounded by people who can only see themselves and have no care for anyone else but themselves. For me it is not easy finding people who share the same values, principals, and strength, seem all want to change me from what and who I am. I made up my mind at the age of 17 I would end trying to fit in somewhere and just be me. I did that for 38 years..........now what do I do?
There are no reassuring hugs or that look that will tell me everything will be ok. I ask Jesus all the time if he could just give me a hug. I had my grandsons until Christmas, now I miss out on that. I was living my life to the fullest with them, until I refused to be bullied and abused anymore. So, now that I finally gave up on being excluded, bullied, abused, tortured, I have no one, I am alone. . Right now I feel like St. Francis, I think it was him who was a recluse. I do understand today where and with whom I belong, I just need to get there and find them.
I have experianced what Susan is describing. I lived randomly until age 48. I was forced to deal with issues (process, adress and acknowledge) because I never had. Processing my emotions with my inner self has been liberating. It is just what it says, a process. It takes time, it is not always easy but I find that it is a good thing in the end.
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to Mamma Carol. I can hear your hurt and pain and lonliness. Even though I am still married to a man who is controlling, passive aggressive, I too, long for a hug....a hug that does not require "anything" in return. God hears our hearts pain even when we can't find the words to express them and even when we are soooo tired to say them. He has sent those hugs to me and I find myself still humbled that He cares for me. Momma Carol, I will be praying for you, continue on in the way YOU know is right and pleasing to God. HE WILL NOT FAIL YOU.
I haven't had a chance to say thank you "r" for the prayers, it's appreciated. I know God hasn't failed me for it is he who has walked beside me all my life, and it is he who has protected me all my life. Unfortunately it took me almost all my life to understand just how. But as his child there are times frustration will set in. I wonder what he is molding me for. Someday I hope he can explain to me why uncaring, controlling people are so attracted to me, like a magnet. Everybody that was good for me in my life, just seemed to always disappear, and I was left to manuever amongst the crazies. Wishing you the best and prayers in your journey.
ReplyDeleteI have never posted before although I read this blog often. It feels strange to post to people I don't now. Then again, I didn't "know" Susan either and she has been a God-send to me. So here goes...
ReplyDeleteSince my divorce I am not really living life. I am just getting through from one crisis to another. My dad has always told me I need to "enjoy the journey." Well, there hasn't been much to enjoy for the last two years. But now I am on the othere side of it. Just barely on the other side to be sure and I have more issues to deal with in court I think. But for the most part I am through the worst of it.
On this side of it I am still unable to find joy. It seems very illusive. I have kept wondering "what is life all about." I used to be in ministry. I used to be the one reaching out to hurt people and singing and leading worhip. It's all been taken from me and I don't know what life means anymore. I used to be the stay-at-home mom that cooked wonderful balanced meals and had a clean house and now there has been a complete role change for me and I don't know how it all fits into what this new life is. I almost feel de-feminized being the sole breadwinner, disciplinarian, spiritual leader, etc. It's like I just keep waiting for life to start. But it dawned on me the other day that this IS life. Whether I like it or not. And somehow I have to figure out how to live the process of this new life everyday and at some point find joy in the journey. I'm still not sure what that all looks like but I am working on it.
To Christy, I woke up this morning thinking about what you had written about your life and all surrounding it. I am so sorry for your loss! From my perspective you are being too hard on yourself to try to find joy so quickly! You are going through a very difficult time. I have read that divorce is as hard as a death. And it is a type of death. You have lost so much!
ReplyDeleteI think it is so easy to tell ourselves "Suck it up! You have grieved enough. It is time to move on!" But I don't think we can put a time frame on our pain. We need to give ourselves time to grieve our losses.
The Lord is always there even if we can't feel Him or see His Hand in those difficult times. My son has had several medical issues and surgeries. God has been good to show me His love during those times when I felt alone, helpless, and full of fear. One day I was driving, crying out to Him about my son and He sent a bunch of Canadian geese flying right by me. I know they were sent for me! I love geese! I believe God cares enough about us to send us little things to show us He cares and to brighten our day. Those geese brought me a little joy in a very dark time in my life!
Hang in there, Christy! I will pray the Lord brings a little joy to you today!
I'm 47 and finally growing & changing so much; and surprisingly, the process is thrilling. No longer waiting for all the lights to get green before I start enjoying life. 4 years since divorce, and I can truly say I wake up every day and am glad to be exactly where I am.
ReplyDeleteI'm so grateful to have had the benefit of processing with Susan for those places in my life where I just seemed stuck. I laugh at myself now when I used to think that counselors were people to avoided like the plague! But I've come to realize that I use the plumber and electrician to fix my house; so why wouldn't I use a counselor to help fix the most important house of all - me? Because of Susan, I now have an emotional filing system with less clutter!
Christy, prayers and hugs to you. There is life for you after divorce. Hang in there and do the hard work on one thing at a time. God wants to bless you.
Susan (from Texas!) and Vania,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your replies. Vania, I do think I am hard on myself. I want to do things "right." I want to go through this process the "right" way in the "right" amount of time. I am finding (and you both affirmed) that maybe there isn't a right or wrong way or timeframe. I will continue walking through the process and looking for my flock of geese every day!
Christy