Triggers and Overreactions

Emotional Triggers and Over Reactive Behaviors Can Be Powerful clues to uncovering some of our hidden identity and exposing unresolved issues that need healing.

One of the first steps in waking up to your identity and authenticity is to develop an understanding of “triggers.” Triggers produce the reactions you have to others that “push your buttons” and “set you off.” Triggers usually take us out of adult mode and into a more childlike form of ourselves. We know we are not grounded in our adult, but often cannot stop our reactions or over reactions. Literally, our mood shifts “just like that.”

Triggers and our reactions to them are things we really need to pay attention to because they give us clues and insights into memories, experiences and wounds we encountered as children that are still either unresolved inside us or situations that we never got to work through as children. Adult relationships allow new opportunities to do that if we begin to pay attention to our triggers.

The triggers and our reaction to them are about our inner child letting us know something is wrong inside and something is bothering us in a significant way. Instead of making it about the other person and their behavior, first ask yourself what is really going on with you. For example, if you have a boss who is intimidating or shames you and you just “can’t stand it” and over react each time he/she pushes your buttons, you need to ask yourself what you are feeling and when you first remember feeling a similar way. Chances are a memory from childhood or an earlier time will pop up. This is an unresolved issue. It could be that your older brother or kids in the neighborhood bullied and picked on you or maybe a parent, teacher or coach intimidated you and you had no way to protect yourself against that behavior as a child.

The next time you are emotionally triggered, instead of using fight, flight or freeze, take responsibility for your reaction and your part in the problem. Then, revisit the situation later when both you and the other person are in your adult and try to work through a resolution and share what made you react so strongly. When we can talk through things and stay adult about our emotional triggers and reactions, we experience growth opportunities and the chance to change our reactions into healthy adult responses.

When both parties stay in their wounded, child reactions and blame each other, it results in the same old patterns being repeated and zero growth or maturity is practiced. Our unresolved and hidden wounds of the past often rise up in our closest relationships and can grow into resentments against those people. In fact, it is often our inner self that we are ignoring.

Pay attention to your own inner being and your feelings because they are the key to knowing and growing into a more authentic you. Start by observing yourself when you are triggered or someone pushes your buttons. Notice the physical feelings your body experiences. Examine your behavior and monitor how you are feeling emotionally. Do you have a lot of rage or strong anger? Ask yourself what is really going on inside of you. You may want do some journaling to process through times in the past when you have had similar reactions.

Feel free to share any experiences you have had with triggers. What “sets you off”?