CONNECTIONS AND CONSCIOUSNESS AS STEPS IN AWAKE AND AWARE GROWS

How well did you connect with yourself from Monday to now? Remember, gotta’ check all your STEPS: Spiritual, Think, Emotions, Physical, and Social connections!


How often were you entering that “trance” state and going Under the Influence?

Definition: CONSCIOUSNESS:

An alert being, present with self. This means being self aware in the present. You are awake; mind, body and spirit, not just letting life happen around you, or checking in and out lacking full time focus. This is not an ordered life. It is random and chaotic.

BITTERSWEET is my Tweet this week. That is because connecting with the word bittersweet is important to help resolve the past, stay present and awake to the present and bring hope to the future. Life is full of bittersweet and resolving or digging up the past is full of bitterness and yet, you get a sweet return when you think of how it all worked to make you the amazing person you are presently.

CONNECTED TO CONSCIOUSNESS as you can see could be tricky

I mean, to be really present in the moment! Is that even possible? Obviously, it looks complicated only because most humans don’t reach that state without being a yogi, monk, or some other kind of guru. AND, along with that, why would I even want to?

To some, it may even sound boring :-) That’s why kids set up the default trance settings early on. It is a kid perspective to think anyone other than themselves and what they are doing is all that interesting. Even other peers can be annoying… Ooops, did I describe egocentric and developmentally immature perspectives?

Here’s the Problem: We currently have a lot of people on the planet sleep walking through not just the day, but their entire life. This happens over time living in a society that is all about being out of balance…to much emphasis on the lower levels of consciousness: physical and intellectual and social and almost none on spiritual and emotional or how to think out of an adult mindset in intimate relationships.

Question for the Day? (Please engage in comments on this)

Am I present in all five areas when I engage with children and significant others?

One brain tip to connect with: cognitive neuroscience is opening whole new ways to understand things we never knew about like how process occurs and why so much of it is automatic and leads to anxiety and depressing thoughts. I post that to help you know that we are only just beginning to get information that helps us in this process.

HELP MEAT OF THE DAY: Stay present as much as you can to check in with yourself as to how conscious you are living throughout the day. See if you can connect with at least one moment when you felt totally present with the situation in an intimate relationship (non-sexual one) and the emotional feeling you associated with it.

Next time: Come back Friday to do a baseline test to see how under the influence of the trance effect you are in your closest relationships. Everybody can pass this test!

Also follow my tweets for more: https://twitter.com/NewLifeSusan
See you back in a couple days,
Susan

http://www.lifehouserestoration.com

http://www.facebook.com/newlifesusan?fref=ts

WELCOME BACK TO THE SUSAN FRINK ANDERSON BLOG

Let me introduce Me: I am a licensed professional counselor with a fair amount of expertise in my field. I am not your average therapist from my perspective. I believe in healing treatment and plans around all of that, but I offer much more which I will not bore you with now. :-)
In this Blog, I am offering a lot of Wisdom, Experience, & Practical Information that you can apply right away to help you live a more SELF Aware and Awakened Life. It is NOT self help per se, but that may be the outcome. It is more like stopping in for tea and having a conversation with someone who will listen and share without judgment or insensitivity, yet who has healing help for finding out more about yourself, God and anyone you need to be in close relationship with in any area of your life.

I will offer the latest on anger, depression, addictions, therapy, overcoming trauma, troubled relationships....you name it; I have had a lot of exposure to dysfunction (my own and others:) and I can demonstrate ways to remove insanity from your life forever.

I hope you will enjoy this blog that combines Beginnings, Wanderings, and Wellness Endings in the context of my story, your story and the Power of all stories about people's lives. I will share my STEPS to Wellness and the Secrets to staying well: Spiritually, Thinking-wise, Emotionally, Physically, and Socially (relationships).

Notice: Acronym STEPS includes all aspects of life that need to be in balance for all of us to develop and grow up in healthier ways than in the past. Also, NOTICE, I did use the term “grow up”. Maturity is a big factor in this blog.

Expect to engage, meditate, share, and be surprised at all that happens here three times per week. That's right! Stay with me - Tune in Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for the latest in how to Live and Love in Complete Wellness: Mind-Body-Spirit. From my experience as a human, my education in psychology, my relationship training and engagement, age- old, or old-age wisdom, plus expertise as a therapist will blend and integrate to give you a Whole fresh approach to a NEW ERA of Living Well in the Present.

New Beginning for a New ERA of Awakening and Awareness

SO…WHAT WOULD MAKE ME THINK YOU MIGHT NEED
TO READ MY BLOG AND FOLLOW IT?

That is such a great question and I am glad you asked it! I had this “thera-blog” I started back before 2010. I was so busy wearing many hats at that time and was pretty clueless as to the needs and demands that caring for the elderly requires. YIKES! My husband and I went “all in” for the care of his mom and my parents. Right up front, I will tell you that his mom was a piece of cake…the type of woman who loves you and wants to do what you ask.



Then, there were my parents. Let me just say that the Learning Curves I have always gotten from my parents are worth the price of several PhD’s. Of course, this is what I realize in hindsight (20/20). I loved my parents, but they offered challenges and a lot of creativity in ways to help them. My parents were the “independent” type who do not want to ever be a bother. You know, the type: self sufficient in a myriad of ways. This type of person is hard to deal with individually, but when there are two joined together for over 70 years, we are talking super glue to the max. I call this co-dependence. My parents called it love. I imagine it is an issue of perspective as to what words you use to describe it.



But, I digress: What I am trying to say is that all three of our parents have passed away in the last four years. All three were moved from eastern NY to our area in Western NY. Our “moms” resided in our guest house and my dad was in nursing care two miles away. The caretaking role fell a lot to my gem of a husband as he took the ladies to the doctor and wherever they wanted to go along with running errands for them. In the case of my mom, this meant daily visits to see my dad. The physical part was quite a disruption, but the emotional and other drain was also very heavy. This is where it connects to my lack of focus to blog. What was I thinking?????



Blogging not only requires commitment in order to be interesting and helpful, which is what I desire, but it also needs focus. In the past, I was a great multi-tasker. I now see how that skill can sometimes interfere with staying present in your mind. I learned this over the course of the past four years. In order to be creative, spontaneous, focused, and stay present with intended goals, you cannot be so busy and distracted that you are chaotic and random. Numbing and not feeling life as you put yourself into “busy mode” and pushing through takes a toll.



This is what my blogs will be about. I know the difference between existing and going through the motions in a trance kind of way and being awake and present enough to enjoy the moment. I have always “known” these things, but at the beginning of 2013, I am awake in new ways to share through my writings and offerings using this blog, twitter, facebook, my life, linked in and any social media that provides an avenue to be heard.



I hope you will enjoy this blog that combines Beginnings, Wanderings, and Wellness Endings in the context of my story, your story and the Power of all stories about people’s lives. I will share my STEPS to Wellness and the Secrets to staying well spiritually, thinking-wise, emotionally, physically, and socially (meaning in all your relationships with self, God and others).



Expect to engage, meditate, share, and be surprised at all that will happen here three times per week. That’s right! Tune in Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for the latest in how to Live and Love in Complete Wellness: Mind-Body-Spirit. From my experience as a human, my education in psychology, my relationship training and engagement, age old wisdom, and expertise as a therapist will blend and integrate to give you a New Era of Living Well in the Present. I will offer the latest on anger, depression, addictions, therapy, overcoming trauma, troubled relationships….you name it; I have had a lot of exposure to dysfunction (my own and others:) and I can demonstrate ways to remove insanity from your life forever.



See you back in a couple days,

Susan

www.lifehouserestoration.com

The Next Adventure of Susan’s Story

It has been a while since my last blog post. I got a little derailed in my own story. It was all I could do to keep up with the pace of the personal and continue daily appointments. Forgive me for the delay, and I may have still have a few more chapters to finish before I get back to my book. In the meantime, I wanted to let you know that my next venture and adventure is ready to be launched (hopefully, within the next year). Here’s the deal.


Life has been one great story of adventure for me. There have been moves to various places that have added symbolism to my Story. The deserts and valleys were my favorite spots. I hung out there a lot and didn’t much like the mountains. The lowlands were more familiar to me. Of course, I am talking about the parallels between all the literal and physical moves I have made from NY to CA that gave depth to the story of my life (emotionally, mentally, and spiritually). Sometimes, it feels like the places of my story were revisited all too often even though I very much disliked them.

I was born in a valley called the Valley of Opportunity, but to me, it was a valley of oppression. I could not wait to get to the Land of Opportunity and freedom. Heading to CA seemed like a good plan for that although it turned out to be more of a Wilderness for me emotionally. Actually, I spent many years in the wilderness of my own story before I reached the promise of a land I have always wanted for my story.

Looking back, I can travel through the journey of my story with its peaks and valleys and rough terrain and count it all joy even though it had lots of suffering and pain. I feel compelled to continue to reach out to all of you as I have been, sharing my story as you so sacredly share yours with me. Story and relationship in story is where I have learned to feel at home within my self. It never has really mattered “where” I actually was residing. What mattered was finding my real story and living in it, not someone else’s idea of what it should look like.

We have made a way out of the wilderness together and many of you have improved your story in so many ways. There are others out there that need to know there is hope, encouragement and freedom to live their own story because that is the Best Story.

We all know we have a story to tell. Even my four year old granddaughter mentioned to me last week that she loves coming to visit me and wants to write a story about it. That was just another confirmation that it is TIME. It is time for the next chapter in the adventure towards helping others find their story while I am finishing mine.

The next adventure for me is in a Field. It may even be built on the theme of a Field of Dreams (if you build it, they will come). I am planning to start a Retreat Center for those still stuck in whatever Landfill they have been dumped. This center will help restore and recover the parts of each person’s story that was been adapted in some way. I want to share many stories of those who awakened to begin living their own story and recover the parts that were lost or scripted for acting a role that didn’t fit them.

I am ready to start the center that will point the way to physical, emotional/mental and spiritual healing needed to live in the truth of their true essence. Helping others find their way through balance in each of these areas of their Being is my dream. My field is the most peaceful spot I have found overlooking the lake on which I live. Coming to the place I am building will be a haven of healing for all who want to live a better story. In my view, their better story is already planted somewhere inside them. My desire is to help them find the way to their own PLACE of authenticity.

My conflict is that I have the plan, the people, the place, even the land and first building, but not enough financial resources to get started. (I even have a contractor and other workers that are ready to start).

One building which already exists, but needs remodeling will have meeting rooms and lodging capability. The other building will be a new building that will have places for people to write, meditate, exercise, and gather in groups. I need help funding exercise equipment and for training a small group of people that will be available to help out. I am willing to start with a small center with room to grow because there is such a great need for it right now. I feel some pressure that it just needs to “get off the ground” as soon as possible. I also need to be able to find a way to balance all my current therapy client time plus do the writing I have for the actual retreats and training manuals. I have already written much of it, but it needs to be edited and that will require secretarial help

I know there will be a way to do the work of building such a place because of the many ways and ideas I see it could be used are never-ending and unique to each person who comes. I also am convinced it will continue on long after my own story ends.

Other than finances, I have no conflicts. The rest of the story has already been authored and finished. I welcome your comments and treasure your prayers for this task.

I invite everyone to visit a site that may well be a help to me in accomplishing my goals:
www.donmilleris.com/conference

Here's a video about living a better life:

Living a Better Story Seminar from All Things Converge Podcast on Vimeo.


Blessings,
Susan

Resentments Continued

I have had such a great response to the last blog on resentments in my counseling practice, I was asked to write a little more on the subject. In general, resentments are about immaturity. I believe that is because much of the resentment is really tied to an old memory of a similar hurt feeling from childhood. That memory is stored unresolved and when it is triggered, a new resentment piles in on top of the old ones. It is imperative to take inventory and find the root of the feeling memory in order to stop stockpiling resentments. If this is not done, the process of these negative saboteurs continues…

A resentment held towards someone is having a need and entitlement to “get even” or punish another for perceived or real blows to self esteem that causes us shame about ourselves. The need for payback becomes more important than letting the resentment go. Over time, the resentments that are similar get put in the same place and the pile grows.

Resentments will typically sabotage any opportunity for healthy healing for the relationship, but in addition, will sabotage future relationships. Holding resentment after resentment and putting them into a pile can block intimacy with others. Fear of being hurt again and fear of vulnerability will produce avoidance walls over time. This means there will be difficulty sharing who we are and hearing others share who they are without trying to control the process. It is nearly impossible to hold resentments against others and still be open and honest in any new relationships.

Over time, most people will use some form of negative control to hold relationships at a safe distance. This can be a form of codependence as well where we give ourselves permission to determine the other’s reality for our own comfort and perceived safety.

The PAYBACK of resentment becomes a desire for revenge. In immature thinking, it feels like protection and evening the score is needed before we can move on to getting free of the harm from another. It is an illusion to think that you can sufficiently punish someone for what they have done or make them “pay” you back in some way so they won’t ever do it again. You can never receive enough payment or payback if someone has hurt you in a way that causes you to hold onto this kind of resentment. They could not possibly retrace their steps and undo what has happened just as they could not make up for the harm caused. Only you have the power to let it go so you can grow.

Hanging onto the low level anger about feeling victimized in some way stems from a feeling of powerlessness and low self esteem along with spiritual immaturity. Following the golden rule of “doing unto others as you want them to do unto you” is the mature side of being able to let go of resentments. It is also important to hold yourself in warm regard. Then, you can more easily let go of the things others do to you that leave you with hurt feelings. As you process through the hurt and anger, feel it and then, let it go. You will free yourself from those feelings. Then you will be free to move into more healthy relationships with good boundaries that protect as best you can, but still allow people in to share your real self.

Enjoying life one day at a time and staying true to yourself means you have opportunity each day to start fresh and hold onto yourself and be able to love well without carrying around inner pain caused by someone else. Be free to choose life and peace. Be free!

NOTE: When I refer to “yourself”, I am meaning “your real self”. The “real” you!

Blessings,
Susan

Living Life Without Resentments and Negativity

I have been thinking a lot about some of the major feelings that “hang us up” and those that “set us free.” The dark thoughts that we call negative typically come from a few places. Do the words anger, fear, blame, resentment and worry make you feel a sense of light and joy or do they bring on destructive and damaging feelings that are heavy and depressing? I am sure you answered that they seem heavy and depressing. These are places of defeat and discouragement.

The other side to dark is light with words like joy, accountability, love, forgiveness, grace and mercy. These words typically allow us to feel free and uplifted to the positive side of things. If the positive feelings are more pleasant and helpful in improving our moods and relationships, why do we so often hang onto the negative feelings and blame others for our feelings?

I believe that anger, fear, and blame often get tangled up around resentments from the past. I think that they are centered around a memory of an earlier time or an event where we felt invalidated or unheard and could not get that feeling of value from an important person in our life. Most often, the need to feel valued was also connected to the need to feel loved and cared for and we held an expectation for those feelings.

Over time, many accumulations of these times of not being able to obtain worth and value built up into a deep inner pile of unmet needs. In the present, when the same “feeling of not being valued or loved” is triggered by another, it immediately can put us into that same time and place as if it were happening in the present all over again. Since the human brain is not designed to forget, these resentments cluster together and need to be worked through to resolution in order to stop the blaming and resentment cycle that takes a huge toll on relationships.

You can begin by choosing to list people from your past that you think did you wrong. It could be parents, caretakers, siblings, lovers, and any others. Make two columns on a sheet of paper and list each person and why you blame them. Only do one person at a time listing all the things you can think of that could be old resentments. Take plenty of time to do this as you would an inventory. Take as much time as you need to work through them using prayer and meditation or talking to your counselor about them or any other person you feel would be willing to listen and hear your story. As you work through each one, you can begin to admit that you do not need to carry these with you anymore. You will eventually want to let go of each incident and let the event be released back to that person as you forgive them.

Things to meditate on currently to help the process that are positive and enlightening are:

1. Whatever happens in your life, you are responsible for the response and the thinking around everything that may control your life. If you keep fears and negativities, your life will be lived that same way. If you maintain thoughts and heart feelings of joy and positive ways, your life will manifest the same.

2. Blame and resentment stop you from becoming all that God intended you to be. Your mind and thoughts are the key to unlocking the treasures found in the rooms of your heart. You can build a new life by getting rid of those old memories that are driving the current behaviors and reactions of your life. Pouring a new foundation based on love of self and God will chip away the hardened places of fear, blame, anger and resentment.

3. Letting go is only the first step as you inventory the past hurts. Keeping the area clear and clean is continued each day as you do not allow any more resentments to take hold in those old places. Instead, choose to bless others and remind yourself that they are not responsible for your life. You and God choose your path daily. Follow that Higher Power one step at a time and the journey will be lighter, more upbeat, and optimistic even in the midst of unpleasant circumstances.

Blessings,
Susan

Tips on ANGER that really help

Use It or Lose It

Using your anger in a healthy way means that you do not “lose it” by dumping it on others. When you give it away in an unhealthy or reactive way, or if you over defend or go off on others, you miss the opportunity to use your anger for your own direction. The path to find the best way for anger is to use it yourself.

Steps to do this are:

1. Notice the anger
2. Feel it if the situation allows you a time out and quiet place to do that. If not, contain it until later when you can do this, exercising self control.
3. Ask yourself what this is about and how you are really feeling.
4. Process it with yourself in writing.

Highlights

Keeping your anger for yourself will give you two opportunities. You will get to find a connection to your inner self thus gaining self awareness about what bothers you and why. Gaining self awareness will allow you the high road in all relationships. You get to bypass engaging in power struggles or childish behavior. Better yet, you get to assert yourself and find ways to address the conflicts that you were never able to previously resolve. All relationships will improve with this method of using assertive behaviors instead of aggressive ones to stay present with your own self.

Assertion

Being able to assert yourself when there is a conflict takes practice.

Behaving assertively means that you are exercising your power, influence, and other ways of acting to be more effective in expression. It is not aggressive in any way.

It is a manner of acting confidently in stating a position or a claim. It is about you and comes from being sure of how you are feeling in a situation or about a circumstance. You are self assured because it is about you sharing to be known. It is delivered in a calm, firm and very straight-forward style. Assertion describes to another how you are feeling about the issue or circumstance you are discussing.

If the other person tries to talk you down through aggressive means, you can redirect them to listen to what you are saying and REPHRASE your message.

It is important to listen to the other party involved and validate your position, but you continue to share your statements in a rational and calm manner. Communicating in this style will give you a better chance of resolving the issue that is upsetting you.